It's a bitter sweet symphony, that's life...

and always wonder why

2011-07-04T13:16:00.000+05:30

And all our worlds subside

With everything inside

And always wonder why (we carry on)

And always wonder why (we sing this song)

And always wonder why (we carry on)

And always wonder why (now you are gone)

We'll carry on

We'll sing this song

To carry on.

-the pineapple thief - 3000 days

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUJzNuZ_wQ8&playnext=1&list=PL0BCD9F64791D069D

mother

2011-04-11T23:32:00.005+05:30

a thing of beauty, a joy forever she said...

mother...

"i want clear skin"

2011-04-07T15:47:00.003+05:30

Among other things, this thought crossed my mind when i was trying to look nicer.

nah! wait... that's a lie... :) when i was trying to look 'hotter'... :(

what's the point of clear skin though?

it isn't going to make me a better person someday..it isn't going to fetch me wisdom or experience..

it wouldn't feed a needy, hungry child... it wouldn't help anyone else for any reason....

it cannot bring rains to a broken land, or fill the hour clock with some more sand..

it definitely wouldn't bring back anyone from the dead.. totally wouldn't let me take back what i've said..

it couldn't make a troubled soul smile... couldn't take me down the aisle...

it couldn't accompany a lonely soul... or shed light on a dirty hole...

it wouldn't cover a secret revealed... nor definitely grant me a desirable appeal...

all in all this is what i see... that a clear skin cannot make me feel...

but then again this feeling stirred... it hurt me bad when you looked at her...

oh no :(

2011-03-16T11:26:00.000+05:30

heart broken about something... and i wish this time that it is something that cannot be repaired, for it shall keep me sane and make me stronger... i hope and pray with all my might for that...

meh!

2011-03-15T19:13:00.000+05:30

Scenic view

A pleasant feel

I dig a grave

In search for thee...

3 weeks

2011-02-25T14:41:00.002+05:30

So... i have completed 3 weeks on my own...

not too much accomplished but at least i know what i can and cannot do now...

it isn't easy though... loneliness gets to you...but then again, that's the reason why i did this... to get used to myself.. to be comfortable with myself... it's going good for a bit now... need to figure out certain other domestic requirements as soon as possible...

2011-02-17T23:06:00.002+05:30

i get hooked on to one song and let it loop for days...

present favortite: Bouncing off clouds by Tori Amos...

it's been the only song i've heard all day and expect it to stay for tomorrow as well...

reasons why it could be what it is - this whole 'trip'....

mood the song sets is just right for me
it reminds me of who i am when i've lost my way
it reminds me of who i should be
it lets me 'pause' the environment of my life... the fact that i listen to the same song over and over again, subconsciously makes me feel like i'm stuck in the same 4 minutes 8 seconds as the previous one... this way, i'm moving but not moving forward...

it gives me company... if i'm sad, i listen to a sad song.. if happy then a happy-happy song... else it's just very bleh!!! :(

if i'm sad and i play a happy song, i'd feel the i'm mocking my own feelings.. (>_<)

so right now... i'm bouncing off of clouds...

-----------------------

fav part:

Make it easy

Make this easy

It's not as heavy as it seems

Wrapped in metal

Wrapped in ivy

Paint it in mint ice cream

- TA

-----------------------

try breathing

2011-02-16T21:58:00.003+05:30

Sitting here alone

It feels like everything’s so fake

‘love will keep us alive’ she’s singing

LOL!!!!

I’m running from love

I don’t see the point

I have something new now that bugs me

It pricks me at times

But I want it

Then again. I can’t have.

It’s what life is about..

Or maybe if you tried breathing and food!!! (>_<)

‘you were searching for a place to hide’ it seems… haha…

Flyte thoughts... Part 1

2011-02-15T12:48:00.004+05:30

I’m riding through the traffic,

And I’m wondering. . .

"What if just because I think it will, that it wont happen?"

"What if… Go sees right through my thoughts and makes sure of an accident just when I feel I’m on a cushion???"

like seriously!!!

2011-02-10T13:29:00.000+05:30

is this right or is this wrong

feeling a sense of warmth

surrounds me with a million songs

are we stuck in a storm

while i wait

2011-02-02T15:59:00.001+05:30

tingly tingly

sweet and sour

confused but dazed

i am, but i dare!!!

move, it is i make

on the stage

music is playing, it is

you and i on the same page!!!

i'm deflowering on you

i'm excited constantly

shape shift and thought

i can't wait any longer!!!

(>.<)

2011-02-02T15:57:00.000+05:30

its a freaky gory place you've gotten yourself into...

now you have to move... the music you must sway to...

Built: Not to be destroyed

2011-01-17T01:02:00.000+05:30

i am a meek soul

whose life lives in itself

warm walls but the insides fell cold and empty

selfish desires for love and devotion

what i have isn't enough

what i've been given to give to another

i've kept it inside waiting for a single soul

the only one who doesn't want it

the only one who can't

i am a meek soul

this choice i cannot make

i'd rather give what i have to all

not to one but to many

send to many, in tiny bits like my heart

broken shattered but which is still worthy

for what i have built within me

so strong over the years

cannot be given away to the heavens or the hells

not so easily as a catch of the breath or a slit of the vein

muddled sense of belonging to none yet to everyone

i will share!

2011-01-09T00:25:00.002+05:30

I usually don't read a lot. And 'proactively' (a word used 'Oh! So often!!!') I don't look through the papers or surf the net!!

(Hot damn! I don't even glance through the paper-back of a book)

But, reading/learning is everything in this age.

I signed into Twitter for all the wrong reasons. Selfish mostly. However, being on twitter and 'leaking' your thoughts isn't the point.

I know I do not share any news/info that would benefit anyone else (as of now :) ). Instead, what I do is try and follow individuals who could give me a better insight. There's like a million things I would need to read and that I COULD read online. But the ones you get on twitter are screened by someone already. Thanks people :)

So. Kudos to one and all. Will try posting something of relevance soon.

Personal opinion: Follow @jessie_paul and @andybeal. \m/

Best regards,

-Purvika

phew!!!

2011-01-05T21:57:00.002+05:30

the need for voices has stopped

mind altering methods gave way

silly reasoning's have flopped

enroute to eternal bliss

rummaging

2011-01-04T11:55:00.007+05:30

I sit here and I think

What is it that moves my soul

Is it the music in my heart

Lines connecting through all the dots

The dark night sky with twinkles of hope

The lady that wanders through my thoughts

The care of a woman’s bosom

Or the silvers in the morning bright

Wind in my arms like flying

The breeze and clear green sight

It’s the tiny things that mean the most

Everything I mentioned I would raise a toast

Singing in my heart I heard myself

Being down-the-trodden that did help

‘i' is now an entity, one who is whole

Who always existed but never was told

To be in love with ‘i' was hard to do

But now it isn’t late nor too soon

Reflections

2011-01-03T17:59:00.006+05:30

I do not choose to be this way,

It is who ‘i’ is..

I do not choose to twist the stairs,

Of which a part he is…

I do not wish to breathe the air,

If it means a lack to him..

I do not need no light to stare,

If his world goes dim…

I would rather sink below his feet,

Than let him see my face..

For all he needs is love i know,

Not from me but from my grace…

techNOlogy

2010-02-18T21:03:00.005+05:30

I imagined, that once there is innovation in life, people wouldn't pick going back to basics...

Change is inevitable, but everyone has a choice... and someone <:)>chose to make me happy the best way he knew how... and i... wouldn't have been happier with anything else but what i got that day.. :')

i believed that this v'day i'd get some sort of an e-love letter or super-duper application... a text message... a call...

but this is what i got... flowers and chocolates... and 'i love u' written with something that is a part of my daily life... :) i cried...

life brings so much more joy when it hits you in the face organically! :D

Cheers to everyone!!

Have a great life and love yourself..

-Puri

PS: the chocolate... i earned it... :D

Prayers don't work...

2010-02-16T01:48:00.003+05:30

I live my life in a paranoid city..

Leaves grow grey…

Filled with walls all I can see is a troubled highway…

I fear to take the way out of here..

All I fear is the dark..

I do try to muster more than I can feel..

Its no use to a soul as weak..

Sadistic I am so I claim that its life out to get me..

I want to feel invisible.. I am what I believe I am..

When I is capable of proving myself right TO myself..

Why is it I can’t dare myself far enough to overpower the self..

To keep my love in peace…

- February 16th

1:08am

To wake my baby up!!!

2009-11-25T17:13:00.002+05:30

this is nothing... i'm just waking my baby up from her long slumber!!! its been over a year since i've posted something.. :)

know what i like about this??? :) after reading my year-old post, i know what exactly i was tripping on Oct 23rd of last year :) crowded house... pop-rock... and now into grunge.. :)

brilliant! :)
anyways... i've come across a number of funny things lately!!! i'll try and post something soon!!! :)

They talk to me, birds talk to me!!! =)

2008-10-23T00:16:00.002+05:30

No time no place to talk about the weather,

The promise of love is hard to ignore,

You said the chance wasnt getting any better

Labour of love is ours to endure

The highest branch on the apple tree

It was my favourite place to be

I could hear them braking free

But they could not see me

I will run for shelter

Endless summer lift the curse

It feels like nothing matters

In our private universe

I have all I want is that simple enough???

Theres a whole lot more Im thinking of

Every night about six oclock

The birds come back to the palm to talk

They talk to me, birds talk to me

If I go down on my knees

I will run for shelter

Endless summer lift the curse

It feels like nothing matters

In our private universe

And its a pleasure that I have known

And its a treasure that I have gained

And its a pleasure that I have known

Its a tight squeeze but I wont let go

Love is on the table and the dinners cold

I will run for shelter

Endless summer lift the curse

Feels like nothing matters

In our private universe

- 'Private Universe' by Crowded House

25th August, 2008

2008-08-26T12:20:00.006+05:30

a new dawn has broken
on old hearts and new.
of faces in the ocean
and sweet kisses in the dew.

a new song has been figured
with no chords to go with.
and my heart won't even budge now
does not know where to fit.

sweet is the memory
of one's strength when passed.
in the world where emotions
meant nothing to last.

hard is the feeling
that sinks you in grief.
when you see what you've chosen
and the difference in belief.

stupid are my thoughts now
to feel that this might help.
writing down rhyming words here
to show my inner self.

but why do i write to myself?
why can't i write to the source?
the source of all this frustration,
sadly the source to all this force!

thinking hard i tell myself
the truth that i see.
the source is here within my thoughts
the source is in me.

aaachhhhhhhhhhhho... excuse me...

2008-06-25T15:04:00.002+05:30

there are lot of times when i don't mind people tripping on me... i let them have their free will and don't not get back with wise-cracks which would hurt them.. why is it that i realize that something would hurt and they see right through it...

does it mean that each time someone takes your $hit you run around taking advantage of the situation and make yourself look supposedly like the bigger man...

met someone today... he never spoke to me for like eternity... and today for the first time interacts... his behavior... he either likes me a lot or dun care a flying *u*k about my existence... i don't really care if he hates me or not... but... try keeping off of my back... :(

it hurts when someone teases you to the level of making you feel uncomfortable with yourself... and when that happens is when i get cheezed off to make myself write something like this online... not sure if he would read this... hope he does and gets it... sigh...

instead of working now. i sit and write my sorrows...

plus i tried to be real nice to him... spoke to him about music and likes... but he would end with a statement... about what you ask!!! about me having a cold... aaaaaachoooooo... excuse me if my germs bother you.. i can't help it.. they have a mind of their own...

All alone.... (Saturnus)

2008-06-24T16:33:00.003+05:30

"I'm standing here
Watcing the clouds float by
Wondering why the pain never deserted me
The sadness, sorrow, bewilderness that never left
(...the moments of joy I never kept)

I'm flying away

Holding hands with myself
Sharing life with myself
Reaping the loneliness I've sown
In these fields I've always grown
Digging the blackness from my mind
I will die all alone"

This is what i tell myself each time i feel myself getting sucked into loneliness to make me feel better about the place i am going to...

and it actually helps... :) i end up feeling like all that i need is me... forever.. to hold hands with myself and share my life with MYSELF... then... when i think all is done and all is good... begin to imagine what he would have felt while writing this song.. the tune is so, human... it seems so sad, but trying to be reborn as a stronger tune... a mixed, confused set of guitar plucking with bloody harmony just crying at you, but at the same time trying to be strong making me want to be that way too... to be just OKAY with where i am right now...

then i open my eyes.. look back at the present of my future... and i know... i can choose to be all alone or not... i chose...

life...

hmmm??!!! maddy... is that you??? is this what's happening???

2007-09-26T03:30:00.000+05:30

"
.....................
.....................

(ch)that I wanted were things I had before
All that I needed I never needed more
All of my questions are answers to my sins
All of my endings waiting to begin

I know the way but I falter
Can't be afraid of my patience
There's a sacred place Razel keeps safe

Follow me (Follow me)
I've seen so much I'm blind again
Follow me (Follow me)
I feel so bad I'm alive again
Follow me (Follow me) ........

.....................
....................."

Circle- by Slipknot...

It begins like how i feel Maddy's mind is working... The noises and sounds remind me of the mixed up feelings and the confusion that he must have felt(or is still feeling..)
he gave me the song when he was going through the most silliest of instances of love cases that i've ever seen.. BUT.. now i realise that it would'nt have been silly for him... If he were to feel the way he claims to have, that he could relate EXACTLY to what the chorus has to say, I am sorry Maddy cuz I never understood you then...

the music's nice... and all i can sing in this song is the lead which follows the actual lead which is louder.. sigh... PS: both parts are exactly the same with a second delay... :D but it rocks...
the chorus caught my attention... amazing lines... :) wish i were the one who came up with those... :-
random thoughts: I could not write anything in this blog, not even copy->paste the lyrics unless I were listening to the song... ???? puzzled?? me too... :-o
Now the song's ending and I dun wanna kill the feeling by repeating the song... so... tata...

thanks for stopping by :) and if you din get any continuity in the lines above, well, that's the point ;) cya....

The Birthday Cake.....

2007-02-20T20:42:00.001+05:30

Life: as my mother defined it once is, "the time between 2 consecutive breaths". There is no saying when one might or not get to breathe again. sigh.

Today morning I got to know that someone I really admired and respected was nomore. The person is not related to me in anyway, but, feels like family. My family. :-/

The title makes no sense to anyone reading this blog right now I guess... But wait...

October 21st, 2005. My Birthday. I got a really sweet gift. :) A Birthday Cake made especially for me. I felt so special and so grateful that at the spur of the moment I made a promise to make The person a cake for birthday. The next year, 2006, my life was screwed up by certain incidents which did not let me make any cake as I promised. The next time I met The person I was questioned as to why I did not make the cake. I apologised, and meant it too. I was so ashamed. I was going to make one this time. Not sure if anyone would believe me, but I needed to get over certain things for the cake to happen. Last year that was impossible, but this year was terribly, and seriously possible. But then, I am the loser in this aspect. I wasn't able to keep up to my promises. Me's not feeling too happy. Certain things that happened past few days plus this feeling, its a terrible mix of emotions and my mind's terribly sad now. Want to be with someone now. But he's far away. There are so many things I need to apologise to him and also want to discuss The person and the Cake issue. But.:-/ Miss you bunny.

I know that there are others who are more close to The person and the family that's related by blood who feel more and are hurt more deeply than anyone else. My emotions are far away on the scale than these people. But for how much I know of The person I feel a lot for the void left in my life too. I do really feel what I say I do. A lot more actually.

One thing I want all of you who read this, always remember, "a thing delayed is a thing denied...". I learnt the hard way, hope you don't make the same mistake. If you need to study now, study. If you need to apologise now, do it right this moment. If you want to tell someone you love them, this is the time. If you want to propose, right now, right now... Even if you want to bake a cake for someone , do it right now. :'( Because there is no knowing what's to happen in any second.

I feel so much, but I don't write too well to express my feelings. Anyone from my dear person's family who realise who this is, please do not feel anger for me having written this with so little clarity and extremely poor writing quality. All I feel is sadness and the emptiness which you do. But yes, of course, my feelings may not be as great as your's. But, I remember one thing, The person thought of me as family too. And please do not get angry for reffering to the concerned as The person. That's because I am not yet sure if its ok to mention the name online.

:'( I needed a lot from this person, a lot means a lot. Friendship, advice, blessings and love which I know I did. :'( I need from someone else in the family too. :'( I might not visit too often, but your presence in my life is really important.

The truth: I shall always miss you.
Love you a lot. :(