All alone.... (Saturnus)

"I'm standing here
Watcing the clouds float by
Wondering why the pain never deserted me
The sadness, sorrow, bewilderness that never left
(...the moments of joy I never kept)


I'm flying away


Holding hands with myself
Sharing life with myself
Reaping the loneliness I've sown
In these fields I've always grown
Digging the blackness from my mind
I will die all alone"




This is what i tell myself each time i feel myself getting sucked into loneliness to make me feel better about the place i am going to...

and it actually helps... :) i end up feeling like all that i need is me... forever.. to hold hands with myself and share my life with MYSELF... then... when i think all is done and all is good... begin to imagine what he would have felt while writing this song.. the tune is so, human... it seems so sad, but trying to be reborn as a stronger tune... a mixed, confused set of guitar plucking with bloody harmony just crying at you, but at the same time trying to be strong making me want to be that way too... to be just OKAY with where i am right now...


then i open my eyes.. look back at the present of my future... and i know... i can choose to be all alone or not... i chose...


life...