They talk to me, birds talk to me!!! =)

No time no place to talk about the weather,

The promise of love is hard to ignore,

You said the chance wasnt getting any better

Labour of love is ours to endure

The highest branch on the apple tree

It was my favourite place to be

I could hear them braking free

But they could not see me

I will run for shelter

Endless summer lift the curse

It feels like nothing matters

In our private universe

I have all I want is that simple enough???

Theres a whole lot more Im thinking of

Every night about six oclock

The birds come back to the palm to talk

They talk to me, birds talk to me

If I go down on my knees

I will run for shelter

Endless summer lift the curse

It feels like nothing matters

In our private universe

And its a pleasure that I have known

And its a treasure that I have gained

And its a pleasure that I have known

Its a tight squeeze but I wont let go

Love is on the table and the dinners cold

I will run for shelter

Endless summer lift the curse

Feels like nothing matters

In our private universe

- 'Private Universe' by Crowded House

25th August, 2008

a new dawn has broken
on old hearts and new.
of faces in the ocean
and sweet kisses in the dew.

a new song has been figured
with no chords to go with.
and my heart won't even budge now
does not know where to fit.

sweet is the memory
of one's strength when passed.
in the world where emotions
meant nothing to last.

hard is the feeling
that sinks you in grief.
when you see what you've chosen
and the difference in belief.

stupid are my thoughts now
to feel that this might help.
writing down rhyming words here
to show my inner self.

but why do i write to myself?
why can't i write to the source?
the source of all this frustration,
sadly the source to all this force!

thinking hard i tell myself
the truth that i see.
the source is here within my thoughts
the source is in me.

aaachhhhhhhhhhhho... excuse me...

there are lot of times when i don't mind people tripping on me... i let them have their free will and don't not get back with wise-cracks which would hurt them.. why is it that i realize that something would hurt and they see right through it...

does it mean that each time someone takes your $hit you run around taking advantage of the situation and make yourself look supposedly like the bigger man...

met someone today... he never spoke to me for like eternity... and today for the first time interacts... his behavior... he either likes me a lot or dun care a flying *u*k about my existence... i don't really care if he hates me or not... but... try keeping off of my back... :(

it hurts when someone teases you to the level of making you feel uncomfortable with yourself... and when that happens is when i get cheezed off to make myself write something like this online... not sure if he would read this... hope he does and gets it... sigh...

instead of working now. i sit and write my sorrows...

plus i tried to be real nice to him... spoke to him about music and likes... but he would end with a statement... about what you ask!!! about me having a cold... aaaaaachoooooo... excuse me if my germs bother you.. i can't help it.. they have a mind of their own...

All alone.... (Saturnus)

"I'm standing here
Watcing the clouds float by
Wondering why the pain never deserted me
The sadness, sorrow, bewilderness that never left
(...the moments of joy I never kept)


I'm flying away


Holding hands with myself
Sharing life with myself
Reaping the loneliness I've sown
In these fields I've always grown
Digging the blackness from my mind
I will die all alone"




This is what i tell myself each time i feel myself getting sucked into loneliness to make me feel better about the place i am going to...

and it actually helps... :) i end up feeling like all that i need is me... forever.. to hold hands with myself and share my life with MYSELF... then... when i think all is done and all is good... begin to imagine what he would have felt while writing this song.. the tune is so, human... it seems so sad, but trying to be reborn as a stronger tune... a mixed, confused set of guitar plucking with bloody harmony just crying at you, but at the same time trying to be strong making me want to be that way too... to be just OKAY with where i am right now...


then i open my eyes.. look back at the present of my future... and i know... i can choose to be all alone or not... i chose...


life...

hmmm??!!! maddy... is that you??? is this what's happening???

"
.....................
.....................

(ch)that I wanted were things I had before
All that I needed I never needed more
All of my questions are answers to my sins
All of my endings waiting to begin

I know the way but I falter
Can't be afraid of my patience
There's a sacred place Razel keeps safe

Follow me (Follow me)
I've seen so much I'm blind again
Follow me (Follow me)
I feel so bad I'm alive again
Follow me (Follow me) ........

.....................
....................."



Circle- by Slipknot...

It begins like how i feel Maddy's mind is working... The noises and sounds remind me of the mixed up feelings and the confusion that he must have felt(or is still feeling..)
he gave me the song when he was going through the most silliest of instances of love cases that i've ever seen.. BUT.. now i realise that it would'nt have been silly for him... If he were to feel the way he claims to have, that he could relate EXACTLY to what the chorus has to say, I am sorry Maddy cuz I never understood you then...


the music's nice... and all i can sing in this song is the lead which follows the actual lead which is louder.. sigh... PS: both parts are exactly the same with a second delay... :D but it rocks...
the chorus caught my attention... amazing lines... :) wish i were the one who came up with those... :-
random thoughts: I could not write anything in this blog, not even copy->paste the lyrics unless I were listening to the song... ???? puzzled?? me too... :-o
Now the song's ending and I dun wanna kill the feeling by repeating the song... so... tata...

thanks for stopping by :) and if you din get any continuity in the lines above, well, that's the point ;) cya....

The Birthday Cake.....

Life: as my mother defined it once is, "the time between 2 consecutive breaths". There is no saying when one might or not get to breathe again. sigh.

Today morning I got to know that someone I really admired and respected was nomore. The person is not related to me in anyway, but, feels like family. My family. :-/

The title makes no sense to anyone reading this blog right now I guess... But wait...

October 21st, 2005. My Birthday. I got a really sweet gift. :) A Birthday Cake made especially for me. I felt so special and so grateful that at the spur of the moment I made a promise to make The person a cake for birthday. The next year, 2006, my life was screwed up by certain incidents which did not let me make any cake as I promised. The next time I met The person I was questioned as to why I did not make the cake. I apologised, and meant it too. I was so ashamed. I was going to make one this time. Not sure if anyone would believe me, but I needed to get over certain things for the cake to happen. Last year that was impossible, but this year was terribly, and seriously possible. But then, I am the loser in this aspect. I wasn't able to keep up to my promises. Me's not feeling too happy. Certain things that happened past few days plus this feeling, its a terrible mix of emotions and my mind's terribly sad now. Want to be with someone now. But he's far away. There are so many things I need to apologise to him and also want to discuss The person and the Cake issue. But.:-/ Miss you bunny.

I know that there are others who are more close to The person and the family that's related by blood who feel more and are hurt more deeply than anyone else. My emotions are far away on the scale than these people. But for how much I know of The person I feel a lot for the void left in my life too. I do really feel what I say I do. A lot more actually.

One thing I want all of you who read this, always remember, "a thing delayed is a thing denied...". I learnt the hard way, hope you don't make the same mistake. If you need to study now, study. If you need to apologise now, do it right this moment. If you want to tell someone you love them, this is the time. If you want to propose, right now, right now... Even if you want to bake a cake for someone , do it right now. :'( Because there is no knowing what's to happen in any second.

I feel so much, but I don't write too well to express my feelings. Anyone from my dear person's family who realise who this is, please do not feel anger for me having written this with so little clarity and extremely poor writing quality. All I feel is sadness and the emptiness which you do. But yes, of course, my feelings may not be as great as your's. But, I remember one thing, The person thought of me as family too. And please do not get angry for reffering to the concerned as The person. That's because I am not yet sure if its ok to mention the name online.

:'( I needed a lot from this person, a lot means a lot. Friendship, advice, blessings and love which I know I did. :'( I need from someone else in the family too. :'( I might not visit too often, but your presence in my life is really important.

The truth: I shall always miss you.
Love you a lot. :(